Recovery.

I'm trying to curb my addictions to prescriptions
Its sickening
I'm ashamed.
I'm stuck in the walls of my brain, going crazed, died twice and my memores hazed.
Brought back to life for some kind of reason
My change in mod is like a change in season
Not very often I brighten
And enlighten those around me
Who hound me.
Calm down. Breathe. Let out a sigh of relief.
Life ain't what it seems.
Is sanity really insane?
Is delusion really an illusion?
I try to be honest but people don't like the way it comes across
They try to boss and control you.
Make you suicidal.
I'm not naming names but I'm ashamed I ever met you.
For all the times that I cried I hope this upsets you.
Please believe you mean nothing to me and I'm leaving
Adios,bye, see you later.
Departing with a FUCK YOU for the haters.

Testimony of Jimmy Follows.
I'm clean and you can' fuck this up for me.

Fuuuuuuuuck you.

What do I want?
There are things I need. I need stability. Motivation. A good kick in the arse.
But seriously what do I want?
I have no clue. A woman most definetly but how do I want her?
My taste changes almost instantaneously.
Things that stick.
1) Brown hair.
2) Nice eyes.
3) Be a dirtbag. I mean fuck me theres a lot of girls out there but if they see the shit I wanna try they'd run to the fucking mountains and never come back. (Unless I unlocked something in them)
Argue back too. I mean I don't want a relationship consisting of just arguments but don't bow down to me and apologise if it was my fault.
Don't fuck me around either. I ain't stupid. I'll meticulously take you apart piece by piece.
I have a girl in mind right now. It ain't gonna happen. No worries. I've discovered I have something that must put women off me. My last few putrid attempts of wooing someone have spectacularly crawled up their own arses and imploded.
That is all I want.
Smile.

If you're tired of relationships, try a romance.

Relationships are generic.
Just another cog in the machine. Marry,reproduce,die.
Where's the fun in that?
I'll ask a question. Do you want to go through the motions?
Or do you want something more? A connection, fun, real love.
Short but sweet.
Don't want a relationship. Come take a romantic trip with me.

Lets Pretend.

Okay.
Lets pretend things were different.
Lets pretend he was a happy kid.
His parents never divorced in 96,
forcing him to become so love sick.
His step-dad wasn't a prick,
and managed to keep his dick,
in his pants for 5 more minutes.
Pretend that he wasn't crying at night,
wishing his family would stick
together for a while just to bring,
happiness to the table
and he had a girlfriend he could say loved him,
for who he is.
Pretend he wasn't asking,
a load of questions like
why his Dad never wanted to see him at weekends.
Took till he was ten to even get a whiff
of fucking at-ten-tion.
His family never hated him
and blamed him for the crumbling foundations.
His lover wasn't crazy as shit
and made him pop pills just to feel un-different.
He saw his friends outside of school
and wasn't smoking or drinking away the stress
to hide the fact from his parents that he felt so fucking depressed.
Now get this bitch!
He's happy with how things worked out
even if he lost his soul and his mind
it doesn't matter at this time
all of this shit just means he's got more work cut out.
He can smile and hide all of this shit
inside that cranium of his
like the alienated prick that he is.
A brother, three sisters
he needs to stay strong for
and hope they get the life that he longed for
and if they don't what the fuck can he do?
Nothing.
He'll just keep on smiling for you.

The return.

And now I return with new words,wisdoms and whims.
How is life now? Complete bollocks and yet I'm smiling a lot.
Why? I know how to play this game.
It has become apparent to me over the last month or so that when we all die we will sit and ro in a grave.
Whether you want to believe in a God of some kind,some immortal being who will save you from damnation, is completely in your hands.
Me? Fuck that I'm dieing and dieing well. Pissed up,fucked up and content.
Good times.
Now, whilst I'm wallowing in self-pity at the distress I supposedly find myself in, I smile and fucking laugh.
I have no woman, no money and no importance.
Bullshit.
I have a world of women, endless amounts of money to obtain and my importance will come as my world expands.
Smile fuckers.
Peace.

Internal Thoughts Of A Catastrophic Fool.

So here I am. Again.
Happy. Jaunty. Devil may care.
Because I've realised something over the last two days.
I'm not a burden and never will be. To toot my own horn I'm far too interesting.
My mind is like a puzzle that needs solving, the pieces not quite fitting together.
I thought I'd be gutted. I was for the whole of an hour but then I looked at shit realistically.

I am not ever gonna be 100% happy at the moment.
I can try but its not going to happen. I'll be like 95.5%.
I will always have lingering doubts over everything so I'm no good to anybody in this state.
My life goes on without me while I drink and drown in a sea of pointless pussy.

I had a dream last night. It was fucked up. She was in it. Not she. Another one.
They're all nameless to me. But I don't understand why this paticular woman was in it.
I've never met her before in my life. She's a good kisser though. In my dream of course.
Now I thought it was just a random dream. I'm used to them.
But if I dig beneath the surface I have a theory.
It doesn't take Freud to figure it out.
I have an affinity to unavailable women. Fucking great.

So now I must muse over which way to go. Do I choose my favoured route.
The "head down,get on with things" or do I go for broke and just drink and fuck whatever comes my way instead of backing out like I have in the past because of one tiny thing.
Maybe to much pubus, I was too tired or I just really didnt find her that attractive.
Fuck it we shall see.

It is funny though. Life.
It's full of so many twists and turns I've lost my touch with reality.
I don't know what's fantasy and what is real.
I wish to get lost in fantasy. Everything works for me and I can just sit back in my metaphorical armchair and relax.

But in this reality I lie in my bed alone. Bloodshot eyes, hungover and yet not entirely unhappy.
Life. The wonders. The mystique. Got to love it.
I am no longer chasing the dragon. It's not worth the effort.
Fuck.

Addicted.

Its funny as of late
As I contemplate all that is at stake
I'm addicted to the all the pain in my scalp
People screaming I need help
But I don't,I'm just trying to burn in hell
Thoughts of suicide all the time
As I'm getting high
Sitting back in the night with my head in the sky

I'm addicted to all these pills around me
All this alcohol that surrounds me
Take a swig from the bottle
Fly off full throttle
There's nothing I couldnt be.
I'm addicted to all this shit
All the thoughts inside my head
All the pain that I seem to feel
Questioning whats real
All I know is I'm addicted.